Uncle Rico

You know in the movie Napoleon Dynamite the uncle is always wishing that he was back in '85? Is it weird that sometimes I feel that way? Not the whole 1985 thing, I wasn't even born til a year later. But, sometimes I wish that I could go back to '04. I wish that I could correct something that I did. See, here's the thing... I was on cheer for three years. Freshmen, sophomore, and junior years. Something happened that I would rather not discuss and then I couldn't be on the team anymore. I know that it sounds stupid, but I thought that I would just die. Cheer was something that I was finally good at. I felt like I belonged. I felt like that was a big part of who I was. I knew that it would have to end at some point, but I would have wished for a happier ending. It wasn't like it was even a quick ending. It was slow and agonizing. So, why have I brought up something so silly after almost a year and a half? I thought that I would be over it by now. I don't know why I just can't let something this stupid go. The other I decided to go running. I went to the outdoor track at the high school. There were the cheerleaders practicing on the football field. I felt a tug at my heart. All but a few of the girls ingnored me. It really hurt to see the girls that were once my sisters, and all that they could do was glare and act like there had never been anything there. Then, yesterday I was cleaning out my room and putting everything in boxes. There are so many things that I found that were from cheer. There were pictures and little things everywhere. The thing that hit me the most was when I found a box of things that we got a camp. Ugh... I just wish that I was over it. Now, thinking about it, I know that this sounds a lot bigger than what it really is. I have gotten over it, mostly, I think. There are just those occasional tugs that hurt. But, really it's mostly behind me. You might be wondering, 'If you're really so okay with it, then why the heck are you moaning and groaning so much?' I'll tell you why. Because this is my blog and I can right about whatever I want. The point ( I think) is that life sucks, and I wish I could go back. I wish that I could change the little mistake that I thought wouldn't be a big deal. But nothing can change. I'm just let remembering...